And Everything In Between
by MissLys19
Summary: "I am 16 going on 17 innocent as a rose.../Totally unprepared am I,To face a world of men,Timid and shy and scared am I,Of things beyond your ken" She and Farkle have been dating for two years, not quite adults, not quite kids, they are at the height of their is is a coming-of-age fanfic where Riley will face the biggest obstacle yet: change and what it means to grow up.
1. Chapter 1

High school was strange. It was a strange time, but a unique one, because you only have one high school experience. This four-year period of time has garnered so much attention that even TV shows center their whole plot around the high school dynamic. Why? Maybe it's because it's a critical point in our lives when we do a significant part of our growing up. We go through so many rapid changes in friendships, social circles, relationships, academic crises, and everything else in between. Our feelings seem more intensified. We can be extremely high with ecstasy one day and so depressed we want to bury ourselves in our own graves the next. Some days we're just indifferent and then we start to question ourselves. I questioned myself a lot during high school. Maybe more than I should have, but looking back, high school was full of these moments; some I couldn't shake. Like most high school stories, mine started with a boy. We met when I was just a girl in overalls, and he was a boy in turtlenecks, and we were one boy and one girl on a playground. At that time, all that mattered was who had the ball, and who was going to catch it. We're still playing a game, just a different one.

The boy's name was Farkle and we started off simply as that. Boy meets girl. We became fast friends up until middle school, and then suddenly, everything changed when high school came around. What started as friendship, became a ship that fell hard and quick. We didn't know it at the time, but those rough patches that were marked by cold shoulders, passive actions, and friends who had no choice but to choose sides were the beginning of what we would be. Back then, we loved each other but we were expressing it in an unconventional way. Unconventional because we just didn't know.

Months passed, and Farkle and I inevitably realized our misguided behavior. The truth was, we cared for each other more than we knew what to do with. We confessed and we grew closer because of it. Suddenly boy meets girl turned to boyfriend and girlfriend. Fridays became date nights at Farkle's where movies were watched, for the most part. Every school day was a chance to see each other. We were still friends but the feelings we had for each other increased ten-fold expressing themselves in a myriad of ways.

It was only a couple of months in my junior year when Farkle and I had been dating for a steady two years. While I may have been only 17 at the time, I remained naïve and innocent.

"Riley! What are you doing this Saturday?" Her closest friend Maya bounded up to her. She always had the kind of tousled blond hair that models took hours to achieve. She only needed to smack off her alarm clock and summon the motivation to get out of bed to do it.

"Farkle and I were –" I had started,

"- going with me and Lucas to a party." Maya finished. "I'm invited to Missy's birthday and she said anyone is invited, so you're coming with me."

I bit my lip in uncertainty. "But Farkle and I had made plans to go ice-skating." Maya rolled her eyes at me. Maya had known our origin story. In fact, she was part of it When Farkle and I were just friends, we were all friends together. It was us three. Always. When the initial shock died away, she treated our relationship as if nothing had changed. We were always her two friends Farkle and Riley.

"Dammit Riley. Just ditch him"

I smiled. "You know I can't 'just ditch him'. He's not an old backpack I can just toss aside. Why am I even saying this to you?"

Maya sighed, exasperated. "Well, if you must bring your old backpack because of your severe emotional attachment, then I guess you'll just have to bring him".

A small laugh escaped. "Nice try Maya, but you know Farkle. We don't usually party, especially him." We were walking down the halls of John Quincy High, our legs walking in sync. It was second nature to us at this point. Maybe it was because we were usually on the same wavelength. As we were heading towards my locker, I spotted a familiar lanky frame. It was draped with a hoodie and poking out of his beanie was a tuft of ashy blond hair. It was one of my favorite features about him. His little tuft of hair reminded me of a little bird. His blue eyes always seemed electrifying no matter the occasion, and she was lucky enough that those eyes were only on her.

"Hey Riles," He stepped away so I could open my locker.

"Ok Minkus, tell your girlfriend here, that you're going to Missy's party and have fun." It was my turn to roll my eyes. Farkle's eyebrows rose, giving me his "really?" look.

"Which part? The part where we engage in human contact in a social setting or the fun part?"

"I swear you two were born out of the same womb. Both stupid. It's simple math. You and Riley plus me and Lucas equals fun time at party." Before Farkle could protest Maya spoke, "I don't care what excuse you two dorks are coming up with. There will always be a bajillion coffee shops and ice-skating rinks and other lovey-dovey places in New York, but Missy will only be turning 18 once. And to commemorate this moment, there will also be booze, and I guarantee you that you will not find that in your average cup o' joe"

Farkle and I looked at each other and then at the fierce blonde that was our friend. At such a short height with such a limited amount of body mass, she was a master of persuasion or some would say a master of coercion depending on who you asked.

Farkle shrugged, "I've been meaning to try a new cup o' joe. Maybe what I've been missing is some Irish cream." Maya gave a wide tooth grin,

"Yes! Farkle! That's what I'm talking about." I, on the other hand, was not as ecstatic. Maya saw this and began to plead, her eyes melting. Her puppy-dog face should have belonged in one of those Sarah McLaughlin commercials. I rolled my eyes. She did this all the time, but then again, I would fall for it every time.

"Fine. I'll go." I capitulated.

I normally didn't go to parties because it was never my scene. Books, a hot cup of tea, and a fuzzy throw blanket was enough for me any day of the week, but Maya was like one of those animal conservationists who would coax me out of my cubby hole and out into the wild. Sometimes I really did need it though.

Missy's party was as stereotypical as it gets with high school parties, but a New York version. So the space was a packed apartment reeking of cheap Budweiser and weed. It was dark except the glow of some haphazard lamplights and strobe lights scattered around the place. Music was so loud you could practically see the walls vibrate, and there were more red solo cups than people. I had decided to wear a lacy one piece with a low backline paired with platform brogues that night, but not before throwing on a giant overcoat so my parents couldn't tell the difference. If not for Riley, Farkle would be wearing the same uniform of graphic tee with a side order of black skinny jeans, but she had suggested a black button down this time. It definitely made a difference.

They had taken their usual stance of occupying the space near the "punch" bowl, if you could call it that; it was usually a keg. In a sea ofjostling teenagers, she could spot Maya's wild mane from across the room. It was more tousled than usual but her aura was still as fierce as ever. Right behind her was Lucas. He was such a golden boy with his upright posture and quintessential quarterback build. It was a wonder to people how Lucas and Maya got together. Like Riley and Farkle, it was a long story, but if you had been a witness to their evolution, you wouldn't be able to see a more perfect pairing.

"You look good Riley." Lucas said. I stole a glance at Farkle, and I saw his jaw clench as his eyes darted away. It was always this way when Farkle got slightly jealous or peeved. We all had a very tangled relationship, despite our strong friendship. Farkle couldn't help but get jealous of Lucas, but just when it came to me. And I would cut a piece of satisfaction for myself every time. I smiled, "Thanks Lucas. You guys look great too."

"Awww! Thanks Riles. Now on to more pressing business! Let's dance!" She let out a whoop before grabbing Lucas's hand out on the dance floor. She motioned for me and Farkle to join. I hesitated but Farkle put down his drink and held out his hand.

"Come on Riley Matthews. Let's go make fools of ourselves." He had his dopey smile that no amount of growing up could wipe off his face.

They proceeded to do the cheesiest dancing in the whole party. Running man, the cabbage patch, the robot. If it was done in the 80's we did it too. That's what happened sometimes when we were together; we were just plain obnoxious about being absolute dorks.

"Ok," I breathed, hands on my hips, "I gotta go to the bathroom. Wait here." I went up the stairs to the second floor where I waited in a long line of girls. Some were crying others were just full on drunk.

"So…Mark and I…" The platinum blond in front of me scanned the area as if the coast was clear. Obviously it wasn't with Riley there, but she continued, "…we did it". Her friend let out a piercing squeal.

"Omigosh! Tiffany! That's sooooo great! How was it? How was..he?"

"He was..ugh..so good to me! He did this thing..with his tongue. Oh, it was the best night of my life Skye!" More tittering and squealing ensued. Riley shook her head, how could she let that happen? More importantly, how could they get any louder than the music?

The girl behind me was crying to her friend. "He is such an asshole. You don't deserve him babe. If he doesn't want to be with you because you won't put out, then that means he was never worth it to begin with." The girl forlornly nodded her head, a stream of black rolling down her cheeks. But I could tell that the words were only temporarily reassuring, and she continued to sob dropping her face in her hands.

Once she finally got to the bathroom in the midst of washing her hands she noticed some stray packets of condoms on the counter. I shook my head. How could people just throw away their virginity with some guy they would probably never see again? I couldn't fathom it. And they relied on a flimsy packet to protect them from its consequences. I shook my head at the thought.

After washing my hands, I realized that getting to the bathroom wasn't much of an issue. Really, it was getting out of the bathroom. The hallway was cramped with people, a good portion of which were tipsy couples trying to find dark corners to populate. Riley saw the birthday girl drag a boy down to her bedroom.

"You look like you ate a lemon," Farkle said when I returned. He wrapped his arm around me.

"Yea well, when there are hordes of girls complaining about their love lives, it does leave a sour taste in your mouth" I scoffed. Suddenly, the room seemed too loud, too dark, and just too crowded. I started to shift my weight under Farkle's arm. I was getting antsy, and it showed. Farkle saw my discomfort.

He leaned into my ear. "Hey, you wanna blow this popsicle stand and go get some hot chocolate?" At the mention of the world chocolate, I instantly perked up nodding furiously. Farkle chuckled at my glee.

We were in the middle of putting on our coats when I noticed that Maya and Lucas were deep into their dancing. They were staring intensely at each other as if they were the only two people who mattered in the room. I would have said bye, but I don't even think an earthquake could shake them apart.

"You ready?" Farkle called out. I took his hand and we left the party behind us.

At Topanga's, I took a deep sniff of the hot chocolately goodness. I opened my eyes and saw Farkle staring at me.

"What? Is there whipped cream on my face again?!" I groaned and began to wipe my mouth. Farkle just laughed.

"No. You're just…cute."

Even when he said such simple compliments I had to stifle my smiles. Instead I replied matter-of-factly. "I know. Why else would you be dating with me?"

"Just, don't ever change Riley." He was looking at me intently now. I had no idea where this was coming from but I began to feel another rush of heat rise in my cheeks. I took another sip of my cocoa

"I won't. I mean, why would I?" It seemed like an out-of-the-blue kind of question. It had only been 2 and half years and Riley still watched Mr. Googly on Thursday afternoons, not that anyone else but Farkle and Maya knew. Ultimately, change and I never seemed like good bedfellows.

Farkle leaned closer, "because then I can't do this." He took his thumb and wiped a surprising amount of whipped cream off the corner of my mouth.

"Oh," I mumbled. It was equal parts embarrassing and sweet. He was still close to me, and I could feel his breath. Suddenly the room began to dissipate and the space between us began to fall apart. All I could see was Farkle's eyes. Soon enough his lips had reached mine. No kind of cocoa could match the taste of Farkle's lips on hers. It was even more sweet and she always came back for more. When they parted, she felt the chill of its absence. My eyes fluttered open and he already had her coat in his hands.

"Come on, let's take you home." That night, we linked arms mostly in attempt to brace the wind chill. As he dropped me in front of my doorstep, I found myself clinging to his arms tighter not wanting him to leave just yet.

He gave me another kiss on the lips. It was brief and chaste as if the threshold was an altar, or maybe because the only thing between me and my sleeping parents was a thin piece of wood. "Good night Riley. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good Night Farkle." I watched him turn the corner as I watched him do a thousand times before. I whispered as went, "Don't ever change either."


	2. Chapter 2

_***Author's Note: Merry Christmas Eve! Also Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanzaa and Happy [Insert what fits here]. Current Status: errand girl. I will be making several trips to the grocery store like the filial daughter that I am, but not without obnoxsiouly jamming out in my car. I made a point to update a lot this break and I decided that I had spent way too long on this chapter, so here it is! It may not seem like I've updated a lot but I've been working hard on this particular story, simply because I've gotten really into it. So here's my Christmas present to you! I hope you enjoy the story and please feel free to leave reviews. Go ahead, tell me it sucks, or tell me it's the best thing you've ever read (although I highly doubt it), but most of all, I hope you enjoy it! **_

* * *

Getting up feels like the hardest thing to do when the weather hits the 30-degree mark, it's as if your body is glued to the bed. I grabbed the sheets, clinging to them desperately. I didn't remember the bed feeling so chilly. I shifted my toes in an attempt to stay warm. Suddenly my nose caught the subtle scent of musk. It was faded and slightly tinged with sweat.

"Riley," I heard a voice whisper in her ear. Lying next to me was Maya. I could see her face in the light of my window. Instantly, I realized where the chill was coming from. Her eyeliner was smudged, and what was once deep red lipstick became faded. You could only see faint tinges of its vigor blurred around the edges of her lips. Her hair looked like it been blown dried with a leaf blower. Despite her disheveled look, she never looked more alive. Her blue eyes alert and a smile splayed wide.

Groggily, I managed to speak, "Maya? What are you doing here?"

"I came here because I have to tell you something." My hands scrambled for my phone. It read 5 a.m.

"What could you possibly tell me at 5 o'clock in the morning?"

She sat up abruptly. "It couldn't wait. This is a conversation for the bay window." My interest was piqued and I slowly sat up. For me, Maya wasn't hard to read. There were times where we could finish each others sentences. Even our thoughts almost seemed to align, but right then, it was like I could see the ink of the page, but the words were blurry. We sat on the bay window; it was still open with an intermittent breeze flying through.

"So, what happened? Are you ok?"

"No, no, no, everything's ok. I'm more than ok." She kept smiling and her eyes couldn't manage to focus on me. "Fuck it, I just need to say it. Last night, Lucas and I did it." It was as if Maya had been holding her breath. My breath was stuck.

"Wait, what? You – and Lucas –"

"Did it."

"How did this happen? Was this at the party?" An incessant flow of words was bottle-necking in my throat, and nothing was coming out. Maya nodded.

"We went back to my place to just chill and, he began to stare at me and I stared at him. We were making out like normal and suddenly something in the air changed between us. I don't how describe it. The air between us…seemed different. And before I knew it we were doing more than kissing." Suddenly all these words were spilling forth like a waterfall and I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take it.

She looked so breathless. There was an inner glow that was emitting from her and there was no mistaking that for happiness.

"I had to tell you first. I know that our relationship hasn't been the smoothest one, but I felt like it was the right time and that he was the right person. Riles, say something." As Maya sat there, in the bay window, as if it were just another day, I couldn't help but see her in a different light. Is this what womanhood was supposed to be? I had a sudden flashback of the girls in line to the bathroom, and my mind instantly categorized Maya as one of them. I didn't want to judge her, but part of me automatically did and I hated myself for it because it was Maya and she was my best friend. And I knew for a fact that Maya was nothing like those girls.

Not to mention the fact that it was Lucas. He was my first serious crush. He wasn't just a guy whose name I wrote a thousand times in my notebook (although I still did). Firsts were important. He was the first guy I held hands with, and he was my first kiss. He was the first guy I could actually see myself dating, and I didn't have to worry about him noticing me because we were friends before anything else. All of us were friends first, and we had shared so many memories with each other. It was as if a piece of my childhood had chipped away.

But I couldn't lie to myself because a part of my deep down inside knew that this was inevitable. The chemistry between them was there even if I didn't realize it at first. So hearing about my best friend and my first crush taking it a step farther was enough to make Maya breathless and me, suffocated. Maya was searching my face, waiting for a reaction, a blink, a twitch.

"I'm honestly happy for you. For both of you. I guess, I'm just a little shocked."

"And that makes sense, and I don't expect you to have an opinion or to be excited. Honestly, I don't want to gush about it. It was just important for me that you know. This…might change things, but I don't want it to change things between our friendship, because I know what Lucas meant to you. You know I'd hate if we broke this lifelong friendship streak we got going on." She looked at me earnestly with the bluest of eyes.

"Remember what we always say, nothing and nobody can come between us. Lucas was important to me then but you'll be important to me always.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that." She smiled at me.

"Of course peaches. Friends till the end." I smiled back, because I was happy for her. All I wanted was for Maya to be happy.

"So what was it like?"

Maya paused. "It was exhilarating."

* * *

Later that day at school, I felt like Jane Goodall observing a set of species. I tuned myself to every interaction between Lucas and Maya. If human beings could emit light beams I think Lucas and Maya could do it. I didn't know Lucas was possible of being more golden than he was that day. He felt the need to smile at the end of every sentence or remark, and I could see him stealing some pretty conspicuous glances at Maya who would also steal some pretty conspicuous glances back. They were like planets continually orbiting each other. As a couple, PDA wasn't their forte, but that day, it was as if every accidental brush set off a thousand fireworks between them. Needless to say, I was not paying much attention in my classes.

"They look extra happy today," Farkle nodded his head toward the golden haired couple.

"Yea…they do, don't they?" I looked at Farkle. He was no Lucas. Instead of golden locks he had soft cashmere colored hair. His eyes weren't bright like Lucas, rather they were electric. When Lucas would answer the question in class, Farkle would ask a question about the answer. He was calculating without being cold because inside he was the same guy who would stay up late to help me study or watch Mr. Googly. No matter what feelings I had in the past for Lucas, they could never measure up to the feelings I had for Farkle. Being around Lucas back in middle school, made my heart beat out of my chest, but when I was with Farkle my heart was burned with a branding iron. He marked my heart with every passing action, every word, and the mark would burn deeper and deeper.

Farkle wrapped his arm around me, "Hey let's head to lunch. My mom packed me some Nutella covered strawberries."

I shook my head, "I can't believe your mom still packs your lunch." He playfully pushed me. "But you're still gonna share with me right…?"

Farke rolled his eyes."Your sweet tooth absolutely astounds me."

The lunch room was bustling with unamused but hungry teenagers. There was this indescribable scent that could only be labeled as the cafeteria smell. However, my nose could only smell Nutella. It was my drug, and I kept eyeing the last strawberry in Farkle's Tupperware. Under the guise of being a snuggly girlfriend, my hand slowly kept inching towards it as I gradually began leaning my head against his upper arm.

"I can't wait for the new Star Wars movie to come out. I'm going ham for the midnight premiere. Is a Luke Skywalker cosplay outfit too much…– HEY!" I popped the strawberry in my mouth before he could snatch it out of my hands.

"You thieving little fox!"

"Yea! Keep your groovy paws off his strawberries Riles." Maya mocked.

"He shaid I could havsh shome." I tried to convey through a full mouth.

"I said some, not all. The amount of glucose you consume in a day is putting you on track for diabetes."

"I don't see the problem." I pulled out my stash of M&M's. Farkle sighed and shook his head.

Lucas joined us shortly afterwards, "Hey guys." He took a seat next to Maya. He sat awfully close to her, and she didn't even have any Nutella covered strawberries. "What I'd miss?"

"Just Farkle being all far out, and Riley eating too much glue," Maya quipped.

"Actually it's glucose, which is just another name for sugar-" Farkle interjected.

"Nobody cares. It could be crack for all I care."

"So… I didn't miss anything." Lucas said as he took a bite of his burger.

Farkle hopelessly stabbed at his salad as Lucas and Maya began their weekly breakdown of their favorite TV show. Despite their differences, Sherlock was one out of a handful of topics that they had in common. Farkle nudged my arm.

"How's the NYU essay going?" I was trying to get into NYU's summer writing program for high school students, but with such high demand they had to start a new application process, one that, unfortunately, required an essay.

"It's going." I maintained fierce eye contact with my food as if I was going to miss my mouth, which was not entirely unlikely. By "going", I hoped he didn't mean that I was close to finishing my essay, because as far as he knew, I hadn't started my essay at all. In fact, I was busy doing anything but my essay.

"I'm going to take that as either one sentence in or none at all."

"Maybe more like, I got a Word document up."

"Isn't it due Monday?" I visualized my calendar and envisioned the tiny "X" on my calendar with the bright red exclamation points.

"Maybe…I think so, but it will get done. I'm just having trouble starting it. Once I start it, the essay will basically write itself." Farkle gave me a skeptical look; it was his sarcastic, "Sure, you're right" look.

"If you want, I can proofread it for you."

"Would you?"

"Only if you bring me Nutella-covered Strawberries tomorrow." I pouted. "It's the least you could do…"

* * *

White was an interesting color. Some artists would say it's not really a color because it was a lack of color. Black was interesting, because it was a mixture of all the colors. Black and white: they were opposites, but why couldn't I put two seemingly simple concepts onto paper? In kindergarten, writing words came without a hitch, I even used different colors! Now it was Sunday night, and I was stuck in front of a computer screen trying to come up with the right sentence to begin my essay.

I had switched screens to refer to the prompt so much that I pretty much had it memorized, but my hand insisted on clicking on the webpage again. It was as if, by reading it again, a miraculous revelation would pop out of the screen, and I would be bestowed with what to write. The prompt read:

 _Tell us about a time where you've gone out of your comfort zone. Be creative and go into detail in no less than 500 words._

It wasn't like I wasn't trying. Various notebooks and loose sheets of paper were fanned precariously amongst my desk. The papers had thought bubbles resembling UFO's that were written in colorful gel pens, while others had outlines, numbered in Roman numerals and written in serious ballpoint ink. In spite of all the prep time, I kept drawing up a blank, and my eyes were beginning to burn by staring at the blinking insertion point so long. I envisioned words typing across the page like an intro to a touching coming-of-age narrative, but all I could think about was food. Desperate times call for desperate measures; I grabbed my phone.

"Hey, what have I done that's been out of my comfort zone?"

"Hello to you too, Riles."

"Hi, please answer the question." I was at my wits end at this point.

"You're procrastinating again, aren't you?" I don't know why I bother telling Farkle anything because he knows me so well. "I don't know, only you know that for sure. I can't think of anything we've done that seems remotely outside your comfort zone. It's kind of like you're stuck in this box."

"A box?" I asked.

"Yea, you're like this caged bunny that only eats carrots and if given the choice, isn't willing to go out. Wait! Or maybe a guinea pig. I mean, bunnies are cuter, but guinea pigs are smarter."

"So what you're saying is, I don't do anything remotely outside my comfort zone because my life is the equivalent of a caged animal whose only purpose is to eat and poop? Great." So far, Farkle wasn't helping and he was usually my go-to guy for these kinds of things. He knew me so well that he was a great bounce board for me to churn ideas in my head but my self-esteem was falling flat.

"No! That's not what I meant! What about Missy's party? That was pretty out of your comfort zone." He offered. I pondered last night and suddenly I was reminded of Maya and Lucas and their incredible night, which then reminded me of the line of girls and everyone else who might have done it that night. Me? I just danced with Farkle but I wore a pretty slinky one piece, and it was the first party I went to with booze and stoned people. It was a stretch, but NYU was pretty progressive too. Maybe they would overlook the underage drinking for the sake of their prompt.

"Yea, maybe I should write about that, because I hardly think they'd want to hear about our trip to Jones Beach for the zillionth time."

"Go for it Riles. Send it to me when you're done." I knew I could always count on him.

"Thanks Farkle."

"Anytime."

"I think it's mashed potatoes?"

"No, it's too brownish beige to be mashed potatoes."

"I got it! It must be gravy!"

We spent a whole ten minutes debating on the identity of the cafeteria food. It was especially sketchy on Wednesday because that's when the lunch ladies were especially lazy, or simply because the corporate company who sells us supposedly "healthy" freeze-dried food designated Wednesday as their crappy food delivery day. The real challenge was actually eating it.

"You're not actually gonna eat that, Maya, are you?" I asked incredulously. She flinched as her eyes scanned it up down.

"And you guys all brought vegetables for lunch today?" Maya checked as she scanned our lunchboxes for a third time. Farkle's mom was a health food junkie who fed him with essentially rabbit food (this accounted for his lanky build). Surprisingly, I had carrots and celery with hummus that day, which was the only veggies that I actually did like. Her only hope seemed to lie in Lucas who had a sandwich, but Maya didn't like ham and cheese. She was cornered.

"I guess, I have to." Farkle grasped her shoulder.

"If you don't survive this one," he looked away, "just know that your corpse will make an excellent research specimen."

"Riley, tell your boyfriend to hold off on the creepiness." I rolled my eyes at Farkle.

"It's ok Peaches. I got you covered. No one's gonna touch your corpse but mine. I can finally dress you in something I like for once when you lower you in the ground." Maya pursed her lips at us, her eyes shooting daggers. Maya slowly lifted her spork up to her mouth, squinting her eyes to lessen the painful experience.

"Wait! Hold it!" Maya eyes burst open and the whole table stopped.

"What is it?" Lucas asked.

"I got an e-mail back from NYU!" There was no mistaking the little purple torch emblem on the upper corner of the e-mail. I double checked the subject line so there was no false alarm. "I'm going to read it now." I scrolled through the page.

Farkle nudged me, "So…did you get into the program?"

Maybe people have different reactions to rejection, but my initial reaction is denial. Call it a fancy dandy defense mechanism, but I read the e-mail three times, but the words "We're sorry, but you were not accepted into NYU's 2015-2016 young scholars' writing program" didn't change.

"Riles. Tell us what they said or I'm going to take these mashed whatever's and shove them in your face air-plane style."

"I didn't get in." I murmured. It was as if my stomach was carved out and thrown away in the dumpster, leaving me with a hollow feeling. "I can't believe I didn't get in."


	3. Chapter 3

_***Author's Note:** **So it's 2016, it's a new Year, and here's a new update. I'm back for my second semester of college. Am I prepared? Ehh, I will at some point by Tuesday, but for now, my main concern has been to focus on trying to finish this chapter. It took me a while, so thank you for your patience. I would have moments where I would reread my work and not write anything, and if I did, I would make the most minute edits. So enjoy this fanfic and the rest of 2016, may it filled with all our fangirl desires. ^_^**_

* * *

Farkle wrapped his arm around me, and tried to rub my shoulder. "Hey, they're stupid for not accepting you. It'll be ok."

"Farkle's right. If anything, you can just apply again next summer." Lucas reassured her; he gave her a warm smile. Maya just nodded her head slightly in agreement. Words weren't needed between them, yet no matter what her friends tried to say, she couldn't find a shroud of comfort in their words. They felt empty, like her. I knew it was just a writing program, but I had a tendency to place my hopes up so high to the point that I couldn't reach them. I nodded my head and smiled the same ole' Riley smile, erasing any clue of disappointment. It was bad for morale, you see. As much as I wanted to bolt and escape, I kept my bottom glued to my seat. It was just a writing program, I said to myself. I said it over and over and over again until it became my mantra for the day. It's just a writing program.

It was easy for people to fool me; I'd be rich if I had a nickel for every time someone played a prank on me. So why was it so hard for me, to fool myself?

Fifth period, by far, was the worst part of my day. I had P.E. during 5th and it didn't help that lunch preceded it either. P.E. was utter hell for girls like me. Anything requiring a semblance of physical coordination was an automatic dislike. In the locker rooms it was worse, because it was essentially this metal tin box of a room that perpetually stank of old socks and stale sweat. Then put in a horde of young girls during their most emotionally unstable stage of their lives, and you've pretty much created a hot mess.

The volley ball players of the class spent an unnecessarily excessive amount of times in limbo between clothed and un-clothed. They took this opportunity, not only to waste class time, but also to flaunt their "natural" curves, busts, abs, thigh gaps and what have you. And like the trophies in the display case they liked to display their so-called victories as well.

"What are you guys doing this weekend?" Claire, a brunette bombshell in her own right, asked.

"Nothing much, Parker and I are just having a night in," Amy tossed out carelessly. This caused a shrill burst of tittering and ooh's. "Whhaaat?" Amy asked with fake incredulity, "It's not like it's the first time."

"Omigosh! Parker must be good in bed." Madeline mused, "Connor and I have only done it twice."

"That's why I don't bother with boyfriends. That's what one-night stands are for. Claire grinned. "Also don't listen to what Brit said, it's not the football players you should be eyeing, it's the lacrosse team. They know exactly what to do with their sticks." Claire said knowingly which cued for more laughter and sudden spritzes of Victoria Secret Amber Romance. I was choking on second hand stupidity. They were still in their underwear even though class was starting in less than five minutes, and they were blocking the door. Five laps were not worth the five minutes of giggling if I didn't get out of that locker room. After my NYU rejection, that was it. I was beyond the point of caring.

"Omigosh! This is obvis totes amazin', but as much as I love hearing you guys talk about, like, your sexual adventures, I have to go out and do this stupid class, and avoid five extra laps that I don't already need today because a bunch of bimbos can't even do a simple task like put on a T-Shirt. So, you can take your Victoria Secret and the rest of your basic crap and move it somewhere else, because there are some of us who have better things to do with our lives."

All the tittering stopped, and everyone in the room stopped talking. The other girls in the locker room were still. I was greeted by seven eyes and seven disgusted snarls. The hate was so palpable. Not even the North Pole could match the frigidity of the room at that moment. I was faced with a line of tall, beautiful, girls with extreme social power. If that didn't sound like a nightmare from hell, then I didn't know what was. If I wasn't so angry, I would have cowered in my Nike sneaks and ran the opposite direction. Claire emerged from behind the girls and towered over me like their ring leader.

"Who do you think you are" She took a step closer and her eyes viciously scanned me up and down. "You're like what, an A cup? You have no butt, no boobs, and no boyfriend. You probably spend your nights stroking your cat as you drool over your textbooks. And you definitely have never been fucked a day in your life. So, stop bitchin' because you can't be like us."

For the first time in my junior year, I didn't remember fifth period that clearly. Usually my memory is seared with whatever sports ball that hits me on the head that day. All I could remember, though, was the string of girls disperse leaving me with nothing but a trace of their Amber Romance. Never have I needed glasses, and yet, everything was blurry. Then I realized that my eyes were filled with tears. I felt this wash of surrealism come over me, making me self-aware of my feet and how planted they were in my sneakers. Then I was numb.

I was numb to Coach Jenner's yelling; my legs were numb when I attempted to run those extra five laps. I was numb to my family's incessant antics when I got home. This time, there was no pretending. Smiley Riley was gone.

* * *

"Riles? You ok?" Maya asked me the following day at my locker. Smiley Riley was still present as far as looks go. I still wore the same skirt, knee highs, and floral shirt combo. The major difference was the lack of light in my tired eyes. Last night my mind was wrought with thoughts and more introspection than I thought I was capable of.

"I'm fine Maya." I said as calmly as possible. She gave me a skeptical, look but it didn't seem like she wanted to press me further for details. During study hall, I kept staring at my textbook, knowledge was absorbed to no avail. My eyes glazed over in thought. More and more thoughts kept churning and churning, in my head. It was like a washing machine that never stopped.

"You going to Claire's tonight?" Owen Steez, our star quarterback, asked not so loudly at the table adjacent to Riley. His mate, Tanner shrugged. "I guess." My teeth clenched at the sound of their conversation. Not only was it rude, but it was about Claire. "Dude, c'mon! It's Claire Perkins! She has the best parties and she's friends with all the hottest girls in school. You need to go." Tanner, a man of many words, simply shrugged and said, "Sure, I guess." Claire's words were the red sock in my whites that kept staining my thoughts. Why were these guys so enamored by Claire and her so called Crew? Why did people give her such importance when she did absolutely nothing to earn it? Now, the idea of Claire's party had infiltrated my laundry load.

"Have you guys heard of Claire Perkin's party this weekend?" I brought up at lunch.

"Did you not hear about it?" Lucas asked.

"Why? Are a lot of people going?"

Zay's jaw dropped. "Damn Riley! Everybody's going! How could you not know? It's Claire Perky Perkins! It's like you live underneath a ro-OUCH! Maya! When you decide to play footsy games with Lucas, learn to aim." Zay's brow furrowed as he tried to rub his now, sore knee. Any gratitude for Maya's kick to the knee was undermined by my increasing surliness.

"So anyone can go?"

"Yea, I mean, even Farkle is invited." Zay added. Eyebrows raised, I gave a look of disbelief at Farkle sitting to my left. His eyes grew wide at the sound of his name, but he looked utterly clueless.

"I mean, I did hear about the party, but it doesn't mean I'm invited. I don't even know Claire that well." He explained.

"If you hear about it, you're invited." Zay said pointedly. I saw Zay flinch as Maya gave him a not-so subtle pinch. I let out a small Oh.

"No one, cares about Claire Perkin's party, right, Lucas?" Maya threw a stare in his direction. Engrossed in his sandwich-eating, he was caught off guard.

"Wait, I thought you said we were going?" Maya didn't even bother to hide a groan. She threw her hands in the air, her head lifted towards the ceiling. "Why? Why do I even bother?"

"It really doesn't matter Riles. We can go to the Strand and then we can grab something to eat." Farkle offered. If Claire was the red sock, then Maya and Farkle were my detergent, but not even they could erase my thoughts. I could tell when I was being pitied. Farkle was only trying to appease me.

There was no doubt that Maya and Lucas were invited; Lucas was popular in his own right, and Maya was just a badass. For such a small person, she could pack a punch, physically with her fist and figuratively with her words. As for Farkle, I could see Claire inviting him just to spite me. Knowing Maya and Lucas, I could tell they obviously wanted to go; it was still a major party. As for me, I should have saw this coming. After my blowout in 5th period yesterday, it would make sense that her party would be the beginning of the excommunication of my high school social career. The empress has spoken, I thought exasperated.

"It's really not a big deal," Farkle said.

"No. This is stupid. If anyone can go, them I'm going. I'm tired of Claire Perkins domineering everything. She shouldn't always get what she wants because she's Claire Perky Perkins."

Zay opened his mouth to object but only a high shrill noise came out. Looks like Maya got him right where it hurts most. "But Riles, you don't like parties." Farkle pointed out.

"I don't usually agree with Franklin the Turtle over here, but he's got a point. Just stay home or do something else." At this, my surliness had reached an all time high. Even if Maya and Farkle were right, I didn't want them to be. It was easy for Maya to say, she was always the popular one between the two of us. She was always invited to parties because she was simply cooler, and I was just tired of being what Claire Perkins, my friends, and probably everyone else saw: a goody-two shoes with no life. If I was going to have a life, I had to make it happen myself, starting with this party.

"Ok," I lied.

* * *

Lie number two was made later that afternoon when I told Maya I was studying. Instead of hitting the textbooks, I was scouring the stores, dress hunting for Claire's party. This was my way of taking action. If I were to eradicate Smiley Riley, I had to get rid of the uniform. My classic overalls were basically a nametag that screamed sunshine, rainbows, and kindergarten antics. I needed a mature look.

In front of me was a rack or rather a behemoth of clothing. I loved shopping as much as the next girl, but this was uncharted territory. This time around, I avoided my usual stores and entered the stores with the vague one word moniker like Express. I took this as an opportunity to create a new me. The kind of me that Claire Perkins wouldn't dare to cross. One that would make me cool and badass like Maya. In my head, I envisioned this montage of myself transitioning into the edgy alter-ego form of Riley. I even gave her a name. Rilez, with a Z. It sounded edgy.

Ultimately, the sales associate saw the combination of confusion and desperation plastered on my face and swooped in to help. It was definitely out of my comfort zone, and also slightly a bit more than my price range, but it was a risk I was willing to take.

New York has been known for its wide array of colorful and chic people; they all had interesting stories to tell. Growing up in New York, I didn't necessarily feel that way, but within the span of only 2 hours my image had drastically changed and suddenly, even my mindset. That night, I felt like I had become one of those chic New Yorkers that everyone perceived us to be.

"Whoa." Farkle didn't recognize me at first. It took him a double take for him to fully register me. "Why are you dressed like that? I mean, why did you dress up? Not that you don't look great…-er? "

Not many people choose to wear a dress to a book store, but then again this was New York. My dress hugged every inch of me until it felt like a second skin. Its silhouette accentuated my frame and it had a sweetheart neckline that propped up whatever boobage I had to the forefront. The most daring part of it all had to be the transparent midriff; I never normally bared my stomach, even when wearing a bathing suit. Walking the cement sidewalks, I could feel cold air weave through the netting. I curled my hair but I didn't bother to put it up. Instead, I let my hair flow loose and I brushed it out to get a tousled effect. The makeup was the icing on top, the ratio of eye to eyeliner was uneven to say the least, but to get that coveted smoky eye, it was necessary. As for my lips, they were painted a deep red. As far as anyone knew, I was not the Smiley Riley anymore.

"Do you like it?" I asked. Farkle remained gobsmacked and his mouth was constantly parted in awe. He nodded his head with so much fervor, it was threatening to bounce right off.

"But why…" He finished his sentence with his hands gesturing towards my outfit.

"We're going to that party."

Farkle sucked in his breath. "Riles…I thought you said we weren't gonna go. Strand, food, and home? What happened to that?"

"I'm tired of Claire Perkins trying to monopolize our social lives, plus I want to have some fun for once! Just once, I want to have fun without doing bookstore, food, and home. So far, my future reads 'Cat woman – Riley Matthews – adopts her 101st cat', and I want to change that." Maybe it was the desperation, or maybe it was the earnestness in my words that Farkle saw, but he caved in. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Fine. We'll go to the party, but I have nothing to wear."

This was my cue; I pulled out the bag I had been holding behind my back. He took a peek inside, "You got me a dress shirt?" As much as I wanted to completely toss out my old self, there was still some parts of my I couldn't shake off. My ultra, girl-scout preparedness skills were tough ones to shake.

On the subway to Claire's, I noticed Farkle taking sneaky glances at my cleavage. In the reflection of the subway windows, I could see his confliction of trying not to look while maintaining his boyfriend instinct to glare at any gawkers either.

"Are you sure you're not cold? Frost bite is unlikely in this situation, but it is New York, and it can get pretty chilly at night. Are you sure you don't want to wear my jacket? It has Sherpa lining which is extremely warm, especially for this kind of season."

Admittedly, I was a halfway to ice-cub form, and as tight as the dress was, it was not warm, but I felt like it would be a cop out to wear a sweater. Instead, I rested my hand on top of his and I smiled reassuringly. "Babe, you're rambling again. I'm perfectly alright. I'm not cold at all." His brow furrowed slightly; he tried to hide it, but I was quick and I knew him too well.

Babe? He mouthed to himself. Honestly, I didn't know where Babe came from either, but it sounded like what my alter-ego, Rilez,would say. So far lie three was already underway, and I was wondering what this new Rilez alter-ego had ins tore.

* * *

Claire's party was a lot like Missy's party, that is, if Missy's party was on steroids. Claire's dad was a big shot lawyer, and instead of an apartment, they had a penthouse in Midtown conveniently snuggled in between big corporate high-rises. Even her house was part of the physical power structure of Manhattan. It was so high up, just going up the elevator made me slightly dizzy. Once inside, it was packed with almost our whole grade and then some.

Instantly I observed this enormous mass consisting of only warm bodies coagulated in the what could have been the living room – it was hard to tell what with all the people. They were grinding on top of each other riding the beat to a jarring EDM remix. Get too close to the speakers and you could feel your heart pound out of your chest. Alcohol was strewn everywhere; a heated beer pong match was going on in one corner, while everyone else seemed to meld into the whole scene. Although, it was reassuring to see girls as equally scantily clad as me, and it gave me enough motivation to stay there and not take Farkle all the way back to the bookstore.

It was almost a repeat of Missy's Party as I saw Maya come toward me with Lucas in tow. She was in party mode with her cat eye lined eyes as was Lucas. Even in the dim lighting, I could see a sweat stain starting to form on his shirt. And if enough dancing and alcohol consumption occurred, then that pretty dress shirt would be untucked and out in the open.

"Riles!?" It was a half shout/half question but the surprise was all over her face. Like Farkle, Lucas was shocked. I saw his eyes struggle to maintain polite eye contact. "Shit! Who did this to you?"

"I did!" I half yelled back.

"Then why can I see more of your boobs and less of your face!? I thought you didn't want to come!"

"I changed my mind!" Maya was absolutely done with me at this point. She grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the kitchen. There was still plenty of people, most of which circled around the keg, but it was relatively less noisy.

"Is this about Claire Perkins? I heard from Sarah what happened 5th period. Why didn't you tell me? I would have kicked her ass! No, even better, I'll kick her stupid ass tonight at her own party!" Maya began to turn the other direction before I grabbed her arm.

"Stop! No! This is exactly why I didn't tell you! I don't want you to fight my battles anymore, and who said this was about Claire? Maybe I actually want to have fun for a change. Isn't this what high school is all about? Having fun!"

"But this isn't the Riley definition of fun. This isn't you! I can't believe you would go all the way out here dressed like a hooker!"

"Then my goal is complete. I don't know about you, but I'm ready for some shots."

I was not ready for shots. When I brushed past Maya adding an extra hair flip for good measure, I didn't actually have a destination in mind; I just needed to make my exit. I went to the nearest table and took one of the small vials of liquor. In my head, I counted to three before I downed it. The liquid burned my throat and the taste was bitter like gasoline if it were meant to be consumed. I heard a cheer from the beer pong table and I made my way there, believing it was a good start to blend it and look like I knew what I was doing.

At once a simple bystander, I was suddenly, by some unknown force, pushed to the forefront and someone shoved a Ping-Pong ball in my hand. Coordination was not my forte to begin with and it doesn't help when you're inebriated either. Judging by the amount of red solo cups being thrust into my hand and the amount of alcohol rushing through my throat, I was losing at beer pong. The room became a blur of different colors. I was conscious of people around me and that I was drinking, but I felt like alter-ego Rilez was in control. I felt loose and I felt this strange urge to dance. I just wanted to move. It was like being on a sugar high but on a different level. The experience was almost lucid.

Then I reached the breaking point, I went from sheer excitement to anger.

"CLAIRE PERKY PERKINS! WHERE ISH SHEEEE?" My words were slightly slurred and I vaguely remember hopping on the pool table, totally shameless of what I was not prepared to do. "I WANT TO SEE CLAAAAAIIRE PUUURRRKEEENNNS!" Was I yelling? It felt like it, but I didn't feel like I was actually doing it. I remember seeing her part the crowd giving me another one her disgusted looks, her nose upturned. Funnily enough, I recognized her dress. It was strapless too, and it had a see-through midriff…Then it dawned on me; it was the same one as mine!

"What do you want, loser!"

"I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU!"

"You weren't even invited!"

"YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T CARE! YOU ARE A COLD-HEARTED FEMALE DOG WHO STOLE MY DRESS. I THINK EVERYONE NEEDS TO SEE YOU FOR WHO YOU REALLY ARE: A SLUT THAT DOESN'T' EVEN TREAT THE GUYS YOU SHLEEP WITH RIGHT! YOU JUST SCRATCH THEM IN YOUR WEIRD BOOK AS IF THEY WERE A KILL! WHAT THE HELL, CLAIRE? WHAT THE H.E. DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS?! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! NO ONE GIVES A DAMNNN! NO ONE CARES HOW MANY ATHLETES YOU'VE EFFED! NOBODY CARES BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE CAN HAVE DOUBLE D CUPS LIKE YOU BUT THE REST OF US ARE AT LEAST NICE PEOPLE. YOU PUT PEOPLE DOWN FOR NOT BEING AS PRETENTIOUS OR PROMISCUOOUUSS AS YOUUUU." I started to feel dizzy and scores of people had their eyes focused on me. Some eyes even looked like iPhone cameras too at the time. I hopped off the pool table and marched so that I was close to her made up face. With a low voice, I said "Stop being a bitch because you can't be like the rest of us and actually have a shred of humanity."

That was the last thing I said before I puked over Claire Perkin's Jimmy Choo shoes. I swore they were already puke colored anyway. I heard a giant OHHH come from the surrounding people, but the sound felt delayed. Instantly I felt like I had lifted a load off my shoulders or in this case out of my stomach. It was extremely bright with all the cell-phone lights exposing the crime scene. In the harsh light, Claire looked absolutely livid.

"HOSE THIS BITCH DOWN BOYS!" Suddenly, I was doused with the keg of alcohol. Some Claire supporters even threw their own drinks on me. For a second, everything came to clarity. The chill of the alcohol reminded me of what had just transpired, and it wasn't pretty. I didn't know what else to do than stand there in humiliation trying to helplessly smooth down my dress as if the action would get out the stains.

Farkle came by, gingerly leading me by the arm into the bathroom. I remember crying. A lot. More than I would at a romantic comedy. I vaguely remember Farkle wiping my tears with hastily rolled piles of toilet paper. He took a towel from Claire's closet and wrapped it around me.

The blurry figure of Maya and Lucas was in the doorway of the bathroom and I was immediately washed with shame. It made me cry more.

"I just can't believe she said all that." Lucas said equally proud and surprised.

"We can't leave her her like this." Maya said.

"I'll take her home." Farkle said. They're voices seemed so far away, but I knew they were so close.

"I can't go home!" I croaked. Just saying the words filled me with terror and the after taste of puke overtook my mouth.

"Riles, we have to take you home. You can't stay here." Maya said to me softly.

"But Maya – my parents – they'll know…"

"We'll take you through the window." Maya reassured me.

"I can carry her." Lucas offered.

In a weird haze of New York traffic lights and the silhouette of a taxi cab, I remember being shrouded in Farkle's Sherpa coat after all. We said good bye to Maya and Lucas, before I vaguely remember hitting my head against the ledge of my window, easily missing the open window. "Easy now," I heard Farkle's voice said. The only thing I could manage to say was, "Faaarkle?"

"Yes,"

"Can you get me out of this dress?"

"What?!" He asked incredulously.

"It's too tight. I don't know why I bought this stupid dress…" I could feel my eyes well up with tears again. "I – I , just wanted to be fun and edgy like Maya." I also hated how much my voice was cracked and how I could feel the verge on blubbering again. At this, Farkle's eyes softened.

"But then you wouldn't be the Riley Matthews that I love."

"Love?" He slowly guided me to my bed. When my head hit contact with the pillow I was suddenly filled with the relief and familiarity of it all. I sighed.

"Yea, "He said as he pushed some stray hairs out of my face.

"I love you too Farkle." I murmured. "Lay next to me."

"Riles…" He said. I could hear his no laced in my name. I sat up and patted the bed.

"Farkle. Sit." I insisted. He relented and we sat there, and I leaned my head against his as I did a million times before. The position of us two seemed like one I could stay in forever. Me and on my bed and Farkle by my side.

"If you love me, and I love you," I started slowly, "I think we should…do it." This time I could feel Farkle jerk underneath my head.

"What? Riles wait what? You mean -" His mouth was wide open but he couldn't' seem to form the right words to finish the sentence coherently.

"I want us to have sex…"

"Riley you've had too much to drink."

"But Farkle, I love you. And I want to be with you. Really with you. I want us to be like Maya and Lucas."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I want the incredible night."

"Riley, you need to sleep, you don't know what you're saying. Tomorrow morning, we'll talk about it." He laid me again underneath the covers making sure I was laying on my side. The tears kept coming in waves, "Ok," I murmured sadly into my sheets. I was instantly tired by the wild night I had, and my head felt as if it weighed a ton, my skull melting into my pillow. All I remember before passing out was Farkle lying on my bedside, and my hand reaching out to hold his. He was hesitant at first but he accepted my hand, tenderly holding it in his. He began to trace its lines and grooves, and the rhythm sent me straight to sleep.


End file.
